Looking into the valley of shadows

His mind is slipping. He tries to hang on to the simplest frame of reference, asking again and again what day it is.
His eyes can read but he forgets what he just read.
He has nothing to say. Even the days of long ago do not stay whole long enough for him to retell the stories heard a hundred times.
He discarded his hearing aids
He struggles to add numbers, to remember what he wanted a minute ago, to make it to the bathroom on time.
He forgets to get dressed but does not forget his cigarettes.
He no longer wants to feed his dog or pet him
TV is on all day. He says he doesn’t understand anything but stays hypnotized all the same, interrupting the boredom with pornography on his PC.
But he remembers his medication.

I am his daughter, the fetch-it girl.

About emmylgant

Cloud watcher and dreamer sometimes wise, often foolish, but I am what I am.
This entry was posted in Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Looking into the valley of shadows

  1. Argus says:

    This post answers my earlier question …

    You’re there, doing the best you can in a living hell from which there’s no escape. All I can offer is sympathy, which doesn’t help a great deal; or platitudes (which likewise).
    AND an invitation to come over sometimes/anytime if you feel a need to dump, or rage, and I’ll listen. And if you want a hug, this is the best I can do from over here >—(**)—< but the good news: there's oodles of them!


    • emmylgant says:

      It just so happens that I love hugs! Virtual as well as real, so thank you very much Argus, I’ll come by and collect every once in a while…with gratitude.
      It’s just easier to travel that road knowing you are not completely alone.
      And it is not always a living hell. There are good days. I live by the Mediterranean, I get to write, I meet interesting bloggers and jump in conversations just because I can… Nah. Could be worse. I could be lost in Nebraska. No offense Nebraska. 🙂


      • Argus says:

        Oops … I think I’ve lost my reply—second time in 24 hours. Possibly I goof with this so-called ‘magic mouse’ … (bring back the cord, I say!). Trying again, in brief:

        Welcome anytime~!


  2. Suz says:

    It iswhat it is….. and it is saaaaddddddd. to watch our loved ones age……. death takes a long time, sometimes. But you never know, he may be as happy as a clam. How about some pictures to look at from lifes happy times??? I bet he would like that…. My mom loves to look at her pictures.


    • emmylgant says:

      No, he doesn’t like looking at pictures because it is a reminder of how far he is from what he was. It also brings back regrets and remorse that he would rather not feel.Thanks for the suggestion though. Be well. Hugs.


  3. skipmars says:

    My mother got to the point she would call everyone “Dear” because she didn’t dare embarrass herself or them with a wrong name. My Dad was her “fetchit” — and never let on how much of a strain it was. He was scared to death of losing his mental abilities. Hers were gone for about 10 years before she died. He preceded her, and my sister, whose husband had died, stepped in for about 2 years until Mom died.

    My plan is not to reach that point.


  4. I love the mood of this piece. Well done.


  5. arjaybe says:

    As the tagline says at the top, “Hang on, Hang on.”



  6. PapaBear says:

    Hi Em,
    I went through this about 12 years ago with my father, and most recently, with my mother-in-law. I can sympathize, realizing the pain of the experience and the helplessness that you must feel. It is not easy. In reality, it sometimes becomes maddening. Just know that there are those of us out here who have walked that path and are with you as you go through every day of this journey. Be patient with and be good to yourself through this is all I can tell you, and accept any help that others will offer. Will keep you in my thoughts. Big hug.


  7. makagutu says:

    Oh my dearest friend, it is when you write this that you leave me speechless.


  8. john zande says:

    I bet that was hard to compose


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