Solstice Haze

Posted on Dec 26, 2015 by emmylgant

 

From Gassin

I arrive in Gassin to watch the sky bid farewell to the sun but I can’t stop anywhere.
Why the whole world decided to go today to that hilltop village and clog its streets I don’t know, but I need a plan B.
So I drive away and down the sharply inclined road with its hairpin turns. I find a remote spot at the edge of the road, by a clearing among cork oaks, and park the car waiting for nightfall. This is my salute to the end of a season and the beginning of another; a way to mark a time and another time.

Severe downpours the last two days have knocked power out in random places; blind lamp posts meander in the disappearing daylight, barely visible against the darkening clouds.
I expected a solstice sunset funeral in pomp and glorious colors, or subtle and fragile hues, but this is not to be.
Heavy clouds sit over Saint-Tropez, creeping up through vineyards. They follow streams, pile up into crevasses, scale up the mountain while, across the way from where I stand, another cloud formation is spilling over and down the hills of La Croix-Valmer snuffing lights as it goes.
Oppressive silence holds me still.

Then I hear them.

Thousands of collected tears and sighs cover oak leaves and slide softly on mossy branches and onto outcrops jutting under a lumpy carpet of fallen leaves.
A little pigtailed sprite tugs at my skirt to get my attention.
“We do what we can to bring all the sadness and worries to rest with the sun when he dies,” she says gravely. “We collect armfuls and let them tumble down from the top of trees before the sun goes down for his long night.”
Her pigtails are a mess. Pieces of leaves and grass are snagged in stray curls here and there.
Darkness is gaining ground but she is getting brighter.
I can feel a tingle of cold moisture on my face, like a dusting.
“Echoes of tears it is. You are caught with us in the Gathering. Can you see it? … Can you see all of us?” She asks with a bit of hope in her voice.
I look but I can only sense presence… and something else but I don’t have a word for it. My eyes are useless.

Murky gray cotton muffles and flattens contours and reliefs.
Light is scarce. Dark masses loom, advancing toward me. The long night begins.
Unease starts to grip my heart, aiming to settle in my belly.
“What you feel are the old fears of long ago,” she says in a hush, “fear of darkness is fear of the unknown, the unseen, the unspoken, and the un-everything with no name… People are fearful creatures.”
We are. What we don’t understand we fear and despise; what we despise we destroy.
“It is so,” she says solemnly, answering my thoughts…

Not too far off a yellow caution light blinks through ashen flannel fog.

I think I hear the sound of time as it passes and I stand still with a little disheveled sprite by my side.
“It’s a lot of grief to carry around at one time. …You wouldn’t think sighs would be that heavy…” She continues shaking her head in quasi-disbelief.
But then she brightens up in a sweet vanilla glow as she adds: “But it’s a good thing really, because after we harvest them all in one place, they sink to the earth and stop floating around tripping dreams and good ideas as they fly and curl about!”
I smile thinking about sweet pink and lavender sunrise-dreams and good ideas doing double loops and swan dives…

“What happens now?” I ask, reaching for contact. A hand, hair, a feel of skin, anything that says we are–she and I–of the same dream.
She looks up, tucks herself against my hand and like a child disappointed in the ignorance of grown-ups, she lays it out for me:
“Sometimes it takes the sun all three longest nights to burn up the sorrow and hurt we collect. They can only burn in the dark. After three shortest days a gigazillion of dust motes carry what’s left to the woods and forests. Rain and snow trap it; then the trees take your pain and shame, break everything down to stardust, and breathe in and out, cleaning the air and your souls too… When you see a really old tree, you know he has done a lot of cleaning!” she says nodding her head for emphasis.
She stops and scratches the ground with her foot. She has something else to tell me.
Her sweet sing-song voice fills me with longing for other little voices that used to fill my days with giggles.

“Three days after his longest night, the sun starts to stretch the light a little at a time, just so, because people need cold and darkness to keep each other warm, think new dreams and tell stories–”she pauses.
I suppose we did once upon a time, before we found so many different ways to keep busy, to forget that we die alone…
“When little children stare into fire they see us dance, they see magic and dragons. When grownups stare in a fire for warmth they often remember good things and stories of long ago hiding in their heart, stuck to forgotten dreams and pictures.” She looks up, reads my face, makes sure I follow.

My feet are cold and my shoulders tight. I am beginning to shiver.
Night engulfs us all at once. An orange glow bounces off the clouds. Silence breaks with the hum of traffic on D559 below me.

Her eyes probe mine as she tells me, “Good dreams never die you know, but they need a story to be remembered and a soul to house them for a while. If enough people become home to the same dream, magic happens… Don’t forget.”
That’s when I feel her move away. I think I see her glide into the shadows of an oak and blink to clear my focus but she is gone.

Stories… We have always used stories to make our way out of darkness.

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About emmylgant

Cloud watcher and dreamer sometimes wise, often foolish, but I am what I am.
This entry was posted in Conversation, Inner child, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Solstice Haze

  1. ceayr says:
    Dec 26, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    This is magnificent, a veritable tour de force.

    Highlights include:
    ‘collected tears and sighs cover oak leaves and slide softly on mossy branches’
    ‘I hear the sound of time as it passes’
    ‘When children stare into fire they see … magic and dragons’

    And so much more.
    Time for the book, Em.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. oglach says:
    Dec 26, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    This had so many elements and you blended them perfectly. I enjoyed it immensely.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. john zande says:
    Dec 26, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Yes. A thousand times over, Yes!

    Like

  4. arjaybe says:
    Dec 26, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    You and your little pigtail sprite threaten to rouse me from my solsticial somnolence. (stirs and grumbles)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Katalina4 says:
    Dec 27, 2015 at 4:31 am

    Just stunning. Delicious and exquisite.
    I’ve read it twice now and am going to come back again for more.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. PapaBear says:
    Dec 27, 2015 at 5:22 am

    Emm, your words have t0uched the essence of feelings and emotion. You paint the mind and heart with their colors. Beautifully done ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Suzanne Richmond says:
    Dec 28, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Lovely

    Like

  9. themodernidiot says:
    Dec 29, 2015 at 7:47 am

    Ooh whats a cork oak? I wanna stick paper sighs all over it 🙂

    And im getting a map tomorrow cuz i think the two places you named are somewhere near where i was years ago. There were yachts and a lot of lambos.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmylgant says:
      Jan 3, 2016 at 6:52 pm

      That’s the variety of oaks from which cork comes. A section of the bark is cut from the base of the tree; the outside looks crevassed and rough but the inside of the cut slab is fairly even and smooth. From that corks for wine bottles ( and long ago jars) are cut. The small-leaved oaks grow everywhere here, which is handy in wine country. : -)

      Google map is my friend.
      Yachts and lambos … sounds like St Tropez, the playground of celebs and wannabes.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hyperion says:
    Feb 6, 2016 at 8:20 pm

    I’ve long enjoyed your conversations with the wise, little sprite. I am never left hungry at the end. I’d love to reblog this with your permission, Em. It’s your magic pen at it’s finest. I enjoy how you connect your photos with the images your writing creates.

    Like

  11. themodernidiot says:
    Feb 7, 2016 at 11:03 am

    Reread! This could really use a donut.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hyperion says:
    Feb 7, 2016 at 3:33 pm

    Reblogged this on Hyperion Sturm and commented:
    I’d like to share Emmylgant’s wise, little wood sprite with you today. I’ve followed Em since my first blog, before Hyperion Sturm. Em was one of my first follows in the blogging world. Her poetry and muses have captivated me for a couple of years now. Please enjoy Em and her wood sprite and don’t forget to follow her blog. You won’t regret it. Thanks for sharing Em!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Resa says:
    Feb 13, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    Very lovely. I found my way here from Hyperion’s blog!

    Like

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