Every once in a while I venture in deep water.
With Rochelle at the helm, I follow daring Friday Fictioneers and I plunge, inspired by a photo of hope, courtesy of Jan Wayne Fields.
The idea is to write a story in 100 words. Or close.
Let the light shine.
A Red Bicycle
I’m five. I never cry.
I’m in the closet again. Mama gimme the gun.
You be quiet, y’hear?
If he finds you, you shoot him baby, OK?
The Man come for his money. He come every day when mama’s not sick.
He yellin’ and hittin’ when he says she’s keepin’ some back.
She’s screamin’. She’s beggin’.
But he don’t quit.
I gotta pee.
Don’t wanna hear’em.
It’s dark.
I can’t see nothin’ but I close my eyes. And I see water, and birds flyin’, and I’m ridin’ a red bicycle…
I gonna have to wash my pants.
Mama be mad.
unbuttoned or undone 
Wow! That’s dark and powerful
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Thank you Neil. Could be ripped from the headlines; that is what is really sad.
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Jeez, Em, this is rip a heart out stuff.
Superbly done, of course, but so so sore.
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Just a tad bleak, I grant you.
Thank you for the kuddos.
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Great writing my friend. Subject is as you say ‘deep water’… You captured the essence of the situation beautifully… as per wonderful you!
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Thank you Sooze. It’s too easy to destroy a little soul who can’t defend itself. Then if they survive their childhood, we wonder how a human being can become a monster….
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Very sad. Very powerful. You captured the voice perfectly.
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Thank you Sandra. Sometimes a voice clamors to be heard 😦
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This made me both angry and sad… I think your tale could be a sequel to mine actually.
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Wouldn’t it be great if it were purely a figment of my sick imagination?
Having read your tale, yes I agree with you.
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Dark and powerful, I have to agree. Love the voice you’ve used, the frightened, bewildered kid worried about the state of his trousers. Love how we all write such different stories. Very nicely done
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Thank you Lynn. I try to hit the right tone to convey the unspoken. If I move the reader, that’s the reward. 🙂
Life is hard. For some more than others.
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Sad but true
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This was so well put together and described. Well done
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Thank you Michael for taking the time to encourage a fellow writer. I’m glad you liked it.
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Poor child.
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Yes. And the child grows up.
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That is a truly awful tale! Poor child. Obviously very well written to provoke such strong emotions.
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I am glad the tale moved you Clare. And I agree, it is an awful story.
Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
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Bloody good Emm …..no feathers here !
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No, no feathers in that one. I’m glad you appreciated the writing Tony.
Keep well.
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Dear Emmy,
I can only echo what has been said. So very sad. As you said, the child grows up, what will he pass one? Well done in so few words.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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It is an awful story, but not rare ( well maybe the gun is).
If the young soul survives, what indeed can he pass on?
I am pleased that the tale worked. Thanks for taking the time for it Rochelle, I know you are under pressure :-).
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Oh dear. That must have been a sad childhood. 😦 It reflects in the write. Well written.
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Hi Leo,
Thank you for your input, it’s much appreciated.
And the compassion you express, is honorable.
For my part, I only played hide and seek in the closet thank goodness. 😉
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Get me out of that closet NOW. So vivid and painful to read.
Tracey
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OK. The door is open! 😉 Thank you for your comment Tracey. It’s a huge compliment.
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So sad and heart wrenching
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Thank you for commenting, it’s much appreciated; and I aplologize for the long delay in saying so.
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Harrowing but you know it happens. As said above it makes you both angry and sad. Very powerful writing
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I’m glad I moved you, and thank you for saying so. I am constantly amazed by the cruelty we are capable of inflicting on the most vulnerable.
When did we forget that violence brings forth more of the same or worse?
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I don’t think we ever knew it to forget unfortunately
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Such a sad tale. Very well told.
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Thank you for your comment Trent. It got stuck in spam and I didn’t see it till now. I certainly appreciate your input.
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I’ll depart and say, I think it was brilliant. It’s a believable scene, it could happen. It has happened. The authenticity brings me inside the closet and I feel emotions not just words. That’s what writers and poets do when they do it well. Well done, Em. I FELT that.
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Thank you for that comment my magic friend, it makes all that editing worthwhile 😉
Just sublimating the uggglies, don’t you know 🙂
XXX
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Yes, and a worthy sublimation it is, Em. Big Cyber Hugs and hope your weekend finds you and the Wood Sprites doing well. 😀
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🙂
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The reality of too many dark and troubled families. This was a really nice job of verbally picturing and describing a horribly contemporary topic, Emm. It’s also so very different from your usual ! 🙂
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Yes it is dark. I saw the contrast between our ideals and our practices as a society and ran with it…. Yes, that’s not usually what I do. But you know I like to stretch every once in a while 🙂
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